i'm going to quit my job and get my face pierced.
come on... someone encourage this!

life works in strange ways.......
all day i've been thinking about how money is such a huge factor in our every day lives, yet sometimes things happen that have no regard to the supposed value of the silly printed paper we let control our existence. this weather knows what i'm talking about.
i am feeling down tonight, but tomorrow is a new day.. and i must learn to be patient.

the things that people do sometimes.... it really is incredible. i'm half done with page six of fifteen for a research paper that is due at 9:30 tomorrow morning. that wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have to fucking work today! alas, it is my fault for being a moron and procrastinating, so the consequences are mine alone. i'm so glad that the semester is almost over... it will be nice to have my life back! also, who can believe that it's almost the second week of december?!?! ummmmmmm....

MALE PRIVILEGE by D. A. Clarke 1981

A poem for men who don't understand what we mean, when we say men have "it."


Privilege is simple.
Going for a pleasant stroll after dark.
Not checking the back of your car as you get in,
sleeping soundly,
Speaking without interruption
and not remembering dreams of rape, that follow you all day,

that woke you crying,
and Privilege is not seeing your stripped, humiliated body

plastered in celebration
across every magazine rack.

is going to the movies and not seeing yourself terrorized,
defamed,
battered, butchered
seeing something else.

Privilege is
Riding your bicycle across town without being screamed at

or run off the road,
not needing an abortion,
taking off your shirt on a hot day, in a crowd,
not wishing you could type better just in case,
not shaving your legs,
having a decent job and expecting to keep it,
not feeling the boss's hand up your crotch,
dozing off on late-night busses,

Privilege is being the hero in the TV show not the dumb broad,
living where your genitals are not denied
knowing your doctor won't rape you.

Privilege is
being smiled at all day by nice helpful women
it is the way you pass judgment on their appearance with magisterial authority,
the way you face a judge of your own sex in court

and are over-represented in Congress
and are not strip searched for a traffic ticket or used as a dart board

by your friendly mechanic,

Privilege is seeing your bearded face reflected through the history texts
not only of your high school days but all your life,
not being relegated to a paragraph every other chapter,
the way you occupy entire volumes of poetry
and more than your share of the couch unchallenged.
It is your mouthing smug, atrocious insults at women

who blink and change the subject politely

Privilege is how seldom the rapist's name appears in the papers
and the way you smirk over your PLAYBOY.

It's simple really,
Privilege means someone else's pain,
your wealth is my terror,
your uniform is a woman raped to death here, or in Cambodia or wherever
wherever your obscene Privilege writes your name in my blood,
it's that simple,
you've always had it,
that's why it doesn't seem to make you sick to your stomach,
you have it,
we pay for it,
now do you understand?

OMG. i should never take more than five minutes to write a journal entry because livejournal will freeze up and make me hate my life after it deletes everything i wanted to post. gahhhhhhhhhhh aknahayohqweyowey die.

Date:	2004-11-17 19:14
Subject:	listening to the ramones makes me miss steve. . .
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	ramones - i want to live

i look like hell today. the last few days have been incredible, and by incredible i mean horrible, wonderful, stressful, lovely, and out of control. this has been the hardest semester of my life. i've finished and turned in my research paper for women's studies and handed in my first take home anthropology exam (a bit incomplete i might add). my 15-20 page paper is due on the 30th, and i have to bring in everything for my women's studies presentation that day also. this coming tuesday, my ws journal is due, as well as 5 film critiques. i have NO IDEA how i'm going to get all of this done. i feel like i'm already sacrificing too much of my "free time" for work, and i can't just say no every single time someone wants to hang out. i feel like such an ass sometimes when people invite me to places and i consistantly have to decline. i want to say yes a million times over, but there is no way i can lose my scholarship. i can't wait until this semester ends. i'm going back full-time in the spring, and work can kiss my ass. my education is more important right now, so i'll be cutting down to three days a week. i just want a fake id so i can go to gay clubs and some free time to spend with my friends and clean my room and do laundry and stop for a moment to appreciate my life. (as a side note, last night was freakin awesome... i picked up johnny and we went to tea planet, then to precious slut where i got new navel piercing which i am infatuated with, and then to the faint concert (radical!), followed by a couple of parties. the only drawback to that whole scenario is my spending approximately $125 throughout the day, but i rarely go out, and it was a total blast, so :P . . .)
if everyone doesn't hate me by the time december 14th rolls around, be prepared for a melissa overload. as soon as winter break starts, IT'S ON, SUCKA!

okay.............. it's time to take a deep breath and............ go completely fucking insane. will i make it through tuesday?????????????



umm of course, but hopefully i won't suddenly be failing my classes. :D :D :D :D :D


january is going to be all about a part-time job and full-time school (health insurance=mmmmmmmm). who is ready for some mel?!?!?! i sure fucking am.


LOOK ALIVE!

Ground Zero Suicide Inspired by Election

NEW YORK (AP) - A 25-year-old man from Georgia who was apparently distraught over President Bush's re-election shot and killed himself at ground zero. Andrew Veal's body was found Saturday morning inside the off-limits site, said Steve Coleman, a spokesman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. A shotgun was found nearby, but no suicide note was found, Coleman said.

Veal's mother said her son was upset about the result of the presidential election and had driven to New York, Gus Danese, president of the Port Authority Police Benevolent Association, told The New York Times in Sunday's editions.

Friends said Veal worked in a computer lab at the University of Georgia and was planning to marry.

``I'm absolutely sure it's a protest,'' Mary Anne Mauney, Veal's supervisor at the lab, told The Daily News. ``I don't know what made him commit suicide, but where he did it was symbolic.''

Police were investigating how Veal entered the former World Trade Center site, which is protected by high fences and owned by the Port Authority.


11/07/04 09:59

© Copyright The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained In this news report may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.

the whold world is watching us tonight. did you vote?

heyyyyyyyyy i'm here once again.
i've been having a good old time recently going out with whoever, whenever i can. throughout the last two months i have met some really great people. i do feel, however, that my relationships with some old friends are more distant at this point, and that makes me sad. i feel so busy right now (and that includes making plans with people whenever i have a minute of free time). i've been slacking on my reading for anthropology, so i have to make this really quick and get to it before i have to run off to work, which is sooner than i would like (i fucking despise mid-shifts. 2-10 is the devil). i hope everyone is having a great time living life. i certainly am. i'm so comfortable in my shoes right now. lastly..... tomorrow is one of the most important days of my entire life: election day. don't forget to vote if you're registered! i'm so very nervous.

good day lovelies!

Date:	2004-10-20 09:58
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	modest mouse

my dad went in for surgery this morning, and the house feels lonely. i haven't heard anything yet about how it went or how he is doing, but i'm sure my grandpa will call in a little while. i'm a bit nervous. my kitty is definitely sad because his cuddle buddy isn't around. he is pestering me already:( poor thing.
well, i had a great time in quebec city, vermont, and new hampshire, but the eight days went by way too fast. i would like my next adventure to be a trip to milwaukee to visit my friend ryan. tickets are looking pretty cheap. :D :D :D
school is awesome. i aced my first anthropology test.. and i'm having a love affair with my women's studies class. okay, so i just really like it. if an aa was offered for that subject at ccsn, i would be all over it.

also, i started a blog for some random stuff and photography posts http://ruinedmachine.blogspot.com

oh! and i watched boys dont cry last night. wow...... everyone should see it at least once. hilary swank was amazing.

so, how is everyone? what's happening?

alas, a journal entry! yes, i am still alive. if you only knew how insane my schedule is right now, maybe this wouldn't seem so.... caca?

i miss you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after 12 days of working, i finally had a day off. it was nice, but now it is over. i spent a bunch of money this week on some random cool shit. i have no idea what is going on in anyone's life right now.. i can hardly keep up with myself as it is. let me know what's going on! i miss everyone.

i'm extremely busy right now with my new job. i've been working every day, and i don't know when my next day off is right now.. maybe sunday. anyway, i'm not going to be around here very much this week, so don't be upset with me if i don't return a phone call right away or make plans to hang out within the next week or so. i can't wait to tell everyone about what i'm doing..... please be patient with me for a while. XO.

love, mel

so tomorrow is my birthday, and i have no plans until after 8pm. who has some suggestions?

heyyyyyy i haven't updated this in a while... my birthday is in five days. i saw anchorman with curtis last week and napoleon dynamite with alex a couple of days ago. also, today is sam's last day in vegas, so it was nice that we got to hang out for a couple of hours. i am a lucky girl to have such great friends. I LOVE YOU GUYS. some photography projects are underway....... i can feel it in my bones. please forgive me if i have not returned a phone call from any one of you recently. i am all over the map! this is a little chaotic and unorganized because i have to leave for work........ now. love.

i had some bad dreams last night and woke up at nine this morning. my body usually craves ten hours of sleep, but i slipped under the covers at 1am, thus providing me with only eight hours. i think this is because my dad turned up the a/c, causing my room to show its true colors as an oven. i haven't felt much like going to the gym today.. or doing anything else for that matter. i'm targeting monday as the beginning of my vegan month.

i just ran out of things to say.

Date:	2004-07-13 09:06
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	satisfied

my body's internal clock is still functioning on east coast time, so i've been awake at 8am for the last two days with nothing to do about it. i'm waiting for my laundry to finish in the washer so i can throw it in the dryer and head to the gym. i am going grocery shopping afterward.

MATT: i don't work until 5, so maybe we can take care of your portrait session today. buy the film if you haven't already! i'll call you later. (ps - i watched the bourne identity last night. it was definitely an awesome spy flick. zack and i are going to see the bourne supremacy in theatres for sure.)

i've decided not to bore everyone with the details of my trip... i took tons of photos while i was there though, so i will be posting some after the film is processed. i got stuck in the mud one morning in maine while i was out taking pictures at low tide. too bad no one was there to laugh with me. also, i want to move to boston in january or february... who is coming along to be my roommate(s)?

i'm home!
whitfield went to millipede heaven while i was sleeping last night. now, he is in the garbage can. he was a lovely little guy.
i will probably write more later and bore you guys with the details of my trip.
bye!

so i'm listening to queen because queen is the shit... i've been fucking around on the computer for the last hour when i should be upstairs packing more stuff. i left work an hour and a half ago, but i still feel totally wired (not from caffeine, mind you).. i'm totally a freak when it comes to getting shit done in a work environment. i just need to c h i l l .

tomorrow night i'm flying into hartford, ct with my aunt, then we will be driving to boston (staying for 3 days) and maine (6 day visit) with my other aunt and uncle. i will be back on the 11th of july. it anyone wants a postcard, reply with your address (or send me an e-mail .. melissa@andweglow.com) asap. i will be checking my e-mail for the last time at either 12 or 1 pm pst tomorrow. also, tomorrow officially marks one month since i stopped eating fast food and drinking soda. i wanted to see if i could reach my goal, and it was cake, mannnnnnn.. for the most part. so i've taken one step on the ladder to ultimate health (okay, maybe three... -making healthier food choices as a vegetarian and going to the gym, which i will be doing five times a week when i come back- also count)... my next goal is vegan-ism for a month to see how i do with it and how my body feels during and afterward. just for the record, i'm damn confident that i will feel great when it's all done.

ps - i'm going to have my cell phone with me while i'm gone if anyone wants to call for whatever reason. the reception probably won't be great in maine, but i'd certainly enjoy some messages anyway! i love you guys.... you're all brilliant. thanks for everything.

(zackary kass... you make me feel fucking great. i love you. we shall conquer a roller coaster when i return, even if it makes me CRY.)